So I'm having a bit of a tough week...Really the week just started, but it has been about the last 4-5 days. Life is funny though, because the 4-5 days before that I was on top of the world. I knew I wasn't going to stay so elated for a lifetime, but I thought things would go smooth for at least a few more days. I'm in a hard spot right now because the top people I would talk things out with face to face aren't around. I guess I am using my blog as my sounding board.
The 4-5 days that were great, I knew whole-heartedly that I was blessed and life was going right despite my own actions. I knew I finally arrived at a place that I allowed God to take over and I was safe and could breath. Then something changed and I started to feel overwhelmed. As I reflect over the time, I am certain that my circumstances hadn't changed, just my perspective. It's crazy and wonderful how that can change so much. It's crazy because I am not sure how to get back there, and it is wonderful because I know changing my perspective can and will change my state of being. We have these emotions that we allow to affect everything. One small change can cause you to revert back to your old ways of "dealing" with things, and for me, that's weighing myself. Usually, when I want to weigh myself at a time like this, I would get together with one of a few friends and talk things out; the only problem is, none of them are available right now. This happened to me a couple of months ago too, but I at least still had my scale. HA! As soon as I wrote that sentence it made me laugh because my scale makes me feel worse most times, not better. Again perception is a powerful thing.
This would normally be the time I would write something insightful and help you deal with your own issues of perception, but honestly, I don't have any advice. If you have a relationship with God, you could say you'll turn it over to him, and I am trying that. If you don't, you may say something like "this too shall pass" or look at the positives in your life and focus on what you're grateful for, and I am doing those too. On the other hand, sometimes you just deal. So right now, I'm just dealing. I want so badly to step on a scale and "take control" much like a drug addict wants another hit to lose control, to change our perspective.
To close out in earnest: Thank you to those who have signed up for my 30 Day No Weigh. I would have given into the pressures if I wasn't "leading" you. Like I said when I released the video for my pledge, I need your support just as much as you could use mine! Please let me know how you are doing. I want to know! -LJ