Most people use a scale to check-in and see how they are doing with their weight. The idea is sound. Weigh yourself regularly so that you maintain a healthy weight, and you won't let weight gain sneak up on you. Right? Well, maybe that's wrong...
Although I haven't gotten that far blogging my weight loss journey (truthfully because writing is so hard for me), you may know enough about me to know that I didn't find success in getting healthy and fit by focusing on "losing weight" or even caring about what the number on the scale was. I focused on my health and the weight loss was a side effect. More on that soon; I promise!! So the fact that I am 3 1/2 years into my journey and more obsessed with the number on the scale than I ever have been before, is frustrating to say the least. The obsession has gotten so bad that my best friend started talking to me about it- in a loving way, of course! In fact a few weeks ago while she was vacationing in Hawaii (or as I like to call it abandoning me for the only things on earth that can top me. JUST KIDDING!), she found this picture on Facebook and shared it with me. And that's how I know she loves me more than she loves Hawaii. ;)
When I saw this picture, I started to tear up and realized I have an addiction. It may not be an addiction as destructive as drugs and alcohol, but it is still destructive. It is something that needs to be contended with- a dark and negative force that is distracting me from all of the amazing things about myself and even the amazing people in my life. I actually weigh my physical body every single day. I will only weigh myself first thing in the morning after I pee and completely naked- I won't even wear my watch. I step on the scale, take a deep breath, close my eyes, open them an look down. When I see that number, it completely determines my day. It determines what I am and am not willing to eat, how much I workout, if I can enjoy my food or need to feel guilt for eating. In addition to controlling my actions, it controls my feelings. The demonic 3-digit number decides if I am in control of my life or not. It bullies me into diminishing my self worth, as a woman, a wife, a mother, a trainer.
OK...If you are a client of mine reading this or you are someone who knows me well enough to know my personal and professional philosophy, you know that the number on the scale isn't important to me for a health journey. But somehow, somewhere along my own journey, I pushed my personal (and professional) beliefs aside and decided my beauty, worth, skills and abilities are strictly determined by a number. I promise that my personal and professional beliefs are the healthy and correct ones, so if you are someone who struggles with this same addiction, I would love for you to stay tuned to my blogs. Over the next month, I am going to be blogging regularly about my journey and this issue. I am also going to be providing real life support to anyone free of charge. In the meantime, please listen to me when I say, this is like any other addiction. First realize you are too wrapped up in a number and then start healing with me by reading this blog. -LJ